"How Can You Mend A Broken Heart?"

I can think of younger days when to live for my life Was everything a man could want to do I could never see tomorrow I was never told about the sorrow   How can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? (tell me) How can you stop that old sun from shining? What makes the world go round?  How can you mend this broken man (woman)? (yeah) How can a loser ever win?  Somebody please help me mend my broken heart And let me live again...  Rev. Al Green 

The days after my mom passed were normal days, or at least I thought.  I hadn't really had the chance to grieve.  As a wife, mother, and career woman, grieving was the last thing on my mind.  Truly my heart hurt but hurting was something I had learned to put aside so many years ago.  Yes, I was wise enough to know though, the grief would come.  I knew it would come like a thief in the night taking me on a ride I had not prepared my mind, body, or soul to travel on.  I knew it was inevitable.  Again, I kept putting it out of my mind. 

About a year later to be exact, grief visited me.  Grief burst through my front and back doors.  At first it was like I had eaten something that didn't sit well on my stomach.  Then, a few weeks later, I got the flu.  Colds aren't something I get.  So, immediately I knew something else deeper was going on.  I remember visiting my older daughter one weekend, hoping to have a good time with her and my grandson.  What happened was totally unexpected.  When I went to bed the night I got there, I treated my cold symptoms with regular cold meds, like I had in the past.  Because of my rarity to get colds, over the counter meds worked very well for me.  I figured I would be all better in the morning.  That night I woke up though, to the most excruciating pain in my legs.  I had fever also.  I immediately thought I had pneumonia.  Just as soon as I could gather myself to take more medicine, my mind drifted to the day my mom was carried out of this very house, wrapped in a sheet.  My body violently shook!  I thought I was going to lose my mind.  I couldn't scream, for fear of waking the kids.  All I could do was be alone with my thoughts.  Be alone with my tears.   

I began to repeat: 

A Psalm of David. 

23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. 3 He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. 

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. 

5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over. 6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever. 

What else do you do?  You revert to what you know.  You reach for what you've learned would get you through.  I needed help.  I needed someone bigger than a person.  But...the funny thing was, I didn’t know if I truly wanted help.  I was in turmoil for sure.  Truly I was sick in body, spirit and mind.  Yet, part of me wanted to lay there in it.  I didn't see coming out of it as a blessing because my mom wouldn't be there.  I wanted her.  My heart was broken.  My heart was broken.  My heart was broken.  I wanted to be with her.  I wanted to die. 

I was/am smart enough to know, people die from broken hearts.  Did I really want to die? Maybe or maybe at that moment it really didn't matter.  Then again, I guess it did.  Who would look after my family if I were to leave?  Yeah, someone would but it wouldn't be me.  I couldn't bear the thought.  Knowing these things still didn't give me the strength to change my thoughts though.  I wanted my mommy badly.  As I cried out for her, the day started breaking.  I knew my older daughter would be home from work soon so I had to dry my tears fast.  How?  The pain was way too great.  It was no use trying, I had no will at that moment to do anything differently but lay there exhausted from pain and tears.   My baby came through the door shocked to see me wide awake with tears in my eyes.  Instantly she knew the pain.  

Her pain for my mommy was also rearing its' ugly head.  She came over and hugged me really tight. 

She said, "Mommy what would I do without you?  Gran Gran doesn't want this for you.  You have to 

get up.  You have to."  I told her I missed my mommy way too much.  Getting up was way too hard. 

She understood but told me to please try.  I got up then. I had to.  What mother wouldn't give 

her entire being in order to soothe her child?  I had to and I did.   

I thanked my daughter for being the friend I needed.  If she had not been there, I don't know what I

would have done.  There was more to our conversation that morning but those words are what really 

woke me up.   The day my daughter saved me is the day I began my healing.  

Now I refuse to die from a broken heart or anything for that matter.  The point of the story I suppose 

is to recognize, respect where you are, remember who and whose you are, and regain control of your 

wonderful life.  Ultimately this is what our loved ones want for us.  We all know, if they could come 

back to us, they really wouldn't.  They have crossed over to where we all will be.  Yes, you'll always 

have moments of sadness.  Those moments are normal.  Those moments show us we are humans 

having human experiences.  It's ok, just don't stay there.   

Choose to mend your heart.