The title doesn’t make any
sense. Who wants to be imperfect? Well, who wants to spend their entire life
being unhappy? The answer would be no one. But, that is what you are likely to
do if you are always in search of perfection. Here, imperfection is not the
opposite of perfection like good is the opposite of bad. Imperfection here, is
rather a “freedom from perfection”. That is what we all ultimately want – to be
free from the chains of unrelenting perfection. Instead, learn to fly on the
wings that you have been given, not the ones that you believe everyone wants
you to have. It’s time to let go and just “be”.
It’s not as easy as it
sounds. Self-help books always talk about letting go but they never quite get
to the instruction part. We all want to rise above the morass that is grasping
day after day for an unattainable perfection in every area of our lives.
Obviously some people have reached that point or they wouldn’t be writing books
about it, right? Why can’t the rest of us join, too? All we need is a bit of
enlightenment. So, here goes.
In this report you will
learn what imperfection and perfection mean. Find out how to embrace your inner
“imperfection” and be quite comfortable with it. Cultivate the skills you need
to make the most of yourself throughout your life as well as giving others the
permission to do so as well.
Who are you?
How many of us have asked
that question in the mirror? Throughout your life you may ask that question
many times. What kinds of answers do you get? Could it be that you have not
grasped the importance of who you truly are so you keep asking? Most people
think that they keep asking because they are not perfect yet. Here’s a news
flash: No one is perfect. As long as you are in this human skin, mistakes will
always be made.
We are created on the “trial
and error” principle. We find things out by learning. The learning process
involves trying, failing, trying again and finding a solution so we can move
on. New neural pathways are created by experiences, good and bad, positive and
negative. Accepting, that point, will begin the journey to true
self-acceptance.
Many people look to others
to tell them who they are. This is a mistake. Other people can summarize their
experiences with you, but that is not all to your story. Yes, every human being
has a unique story. Even if you share some experiences with others, your
perspective on them is never exactly like someone else’s.
In this life, we are
burdened down with preconceived notions. Our parents may have believed them so
we simply adopt them for ourselves. What was the American Dream that everyone
came to the shores of America to obtain? It might have been the white picket
fence, a spouse and 2.5 kids (that last kid has a hard way to go). In reality,
that dream doesn’t fit every life.
The “dream” is supposed to
be subjective. It’s whatever you feel fits your best self, not a pre-formed
mold that pops out perfectly happy people.
People have undoubtedly died
without realizing that they were playing a role. Who they were meant to be was
lost in who they were supposed to be or who they needed to be to “fit in”. It’s
sad and also unfair. We owe it to ourselves to love and be loved for who we
are. When you can love and accept then you can truly “belong”.
LIVING A WHOLE-HEARTED LIFE
Whole-hearted means with
your “whole heart”. How many of us have ever done anything with our whole being
involved? We’re not talking about pushing through when you were tired. From the
beginning, you pursued a passion for something with all that you truly were at
the time. You hoped, you believed and you trusted.
That is really what we all
want – to be satisfied with ourselves. It is not about material things,
although the world would have you think so. If that were the case why do people
who seem to have “arrived” succumb to drugs, alcohol, suicide or some other
downward spiraling situation? They didn’t have to worry about money, so what
made them so unhappy? Many think the answer is material because this is what
they lack. They blame others for being weak over it but the reason is deeper
than that. They didn’t feel validated or valued.
When you look outside of
yourself for validation, you may find it. More likely, you will find a
rollercoaster where sometimes you are in favor with others and sometimes you
are at their mercy. That’s no way to live your entire life.
If you desire to live a full
and whole-hearted life, it’s about your imperfections and embracing them. Get
started by studying on and cultivating “courage,” “compassion,” and
“connection” in your life.
Courage
When people think of
courage, they talk about soldiers, first responders and those who work in
dangerous professions. These people do have courage and bravery. They exhibit
“heroism”. It is the state of putting your life on the line for someone else.
For many, it is the mandate of their job to be heroic. It takes a special
person to volunteer for this type of courageous service.
The courage spoken of here
is the ordinary kind that most people don’t take the time to sow into their
lives anymore. It is the courage to stand up for someone else, to show your
vulnerability where it might be ridiculed or to sympathize with someone else.
This exemplifies the everyday courage that can impact the lives of every human
being you come in contact with. That’s power, isn’t it?
Courage to be who you are
allows others to do the same. What gets in the way of courage? Often it is
shame or embarrassment or guilt. You want to raise your hand and ask for
clarification in class but don’t because everyone else seems to “get it”. There
are those preconceived notions again. You think “everyone knows what’s going on
except me.” When you show courage and fight for yourself and raising your hand,
others will follow suit. By the end of class, everyone is on the same page.
Compassion
This is a tough one. How
many of us jump on the bandwagon of blaming another because everyone else is
doing it? No one wants to be singled out as different. If society had its way,
we’d all look, act and think the same. It’s like “Big Brother” is here. With
the absence of compassion, we lose a part of our humanity.
What is compassion anyway?
It is acknowledging the light and dark places in our lives (mostly the dark
places, we don’t mind if people stare into the light.) Then we are free to be
there for someone else when they need a listening ear. Instead of holding a
mistake over someone else, we can let them into our vulnerable places by
sharing an experience that could help them. It gives way to understanding. We
are taken into the breach with someone else without judgment, only to share
their experience for their sake.
Compassion also works when
coupled with boundaries. Holding people accountable for their actions shows a
desire to help them to achieve their best. It helps you to separate what they
do or don’t do from who they are. The opposite is often the case when we “shame
and blame”.
Have you ever ridiculed
someone for something they did? It could be a friend, a spouse or even your
child. In sports, shaming is supposed to toughen up players by making them take
criticism to whip them into shape. You might as well put their hands and head
in the stocks and throw rotten tomatoes at them. The results would be the same.
Ridicule demoralizes the person at the deepest levels. It attacks who they are
- their identity.
Instead of helping it hurts
them. You don’t look too good either. Your conduct is brought into question for
haranguing someone in this way. When you set boundaries, people know you are
serious. Kids that can’t watch television if they don’t clean their rooms are
more likely to do so.
Their motivation is
something they want or praise or reward. Boundaries also show confidence in
another person. You don’t want to dish out consequences so you do all you can
to assist them in completing the task.
Connection
Social media is no excuse
for true connection. It is communicating with others but not really getting to
“know” them. That takes effort, courage and compassion. From miles away, you
can say you would help another but what would you do when actually faced with a
situation? Want to develop great relationships with coworkers, family, spouses
and friends? Practice getting and staying connected.
When we take the time to
invest in another life, our own lives are enhanced. What does it take to
invest? It could be asking someone about their family. Show interest and
actively listen when another speaks. See yourself in their situation. Suspend
judgment as you listen.
Connection also means
offering help. Did you know that there is a stigma placed on getting help? Just
look at the number of mentally ill people on the streets. Families are
reluctant to admit they have mental issues for fear of how others will treat
them. In the same way, people who offer help can feel in some way superior to
those that ask for it. This prevents them from getting the help they need when
the time comes.
To live freely, we have to
be able to embrace all areas of who we are. When you can accept it, then asking
for help seems logical and necessary to live wholeheartedly and with purpose.
And, you give all of yourself to help others without thinking any less of them
for needing a hand.
TIPS FOR LIVING YOUR BEST
IMPERFECT LIFE
Now that you know what you
need to begin living a more fulfilling life (courage, compassion and
connection), here are some tips to put those traits into practice. The only way
to get them is to experience them.
Let
go – This is not the
same as giving up. What you need to let go of is the expectations of others for
your life. Set goals for your life and challenge yourself. But, do so with
goals that satisfy how you see yourself living. Don’t use someone else’s
measuring stick to chart your path.
Love
everyone, beginning with yourself
– This is the biggest tip. Shaming and blaming, jumping on the bandwagon,
trying to fit in and other actions stem from not wanting attention paid to our
flaws and shortcomings. Some people will compromise their values and beliefs to
fit in and not be ridiculed by others.
What is the cost to your
life? Is it worth trading in for the opinions of other human beings just like
you? Invest in yourself by taking the time to accept who you are in love. Then
and only then can you find places and people to whom you “belong” as an
authentic “you” and not a cardboard cutout.
Forget
perfection – It is a
pipe dream. Each person has their own vision of what’s important to their life.
Your vision is the one to hold onto. Find ways to live your life around it.
Share it with others. Be vulnerable with it. Find out how to be the best person
that you can become in the time you have on this planet.
Transform
yourself – Everyone
evolves over time. The person you were yesterday is not the person you will be
ten years from now and that is how it should be. What it shouldn’t be is you
chasing an unrealistic expectation based on society or friends who would rather
you reflect them instead of who you are. If you desire changes in your
attitude, your body, your career or your family life, do so from a position of
acceptance and love of the current state of things and not to impress someone
else.
Trust
yourself – Who knows
you better than you? Take a step in a direction. If it doesn’t work, then
change course. Have faith in the process that is your life. Take the time to
get to know your likes, dislikes, dreams, hopes, pet peeves and the rest. All
of your other relationships stem from the one you have with you. It is hard to
truly give to another person if you don’t first have these things within
yourself.
We have a fascination with
perfection. Instead of finding nirvana, most people find disappointment,
anxiety, judgment and a face in the mirror that is not truly their own. Who you
are is more important to life (yours and that of others) than trying to fit a
certain shape or mold. The world is waiting for you and your unique gifts,
talents and presence. It would be deprived of a shining light if you sell
yourself short by conforming to the wishes of the world instead of the
God-given potential that is waiting inside of you to burst forth.
Living imperfectly is not a
flaw but a privilege. When you take the courage to be free and present yourself
as you are, unconsciously, you give others the permission to be themselves as
well. And that’s a win-win for everyone.
5 Ways To Find Freedom In Imperfection
Imperfection is not the
opposite of perfection, as if it is a state not to be desired. Instead,
imperfection is the state of acceptance of self through love. Without seeing
who you truly are, you won’t know what to change and what to keep. Perfectionism
just throws everything out the window. Here are five ways to truly be free by
letting yourself live as you are.
“I am Me”
“Accept me as I am” is a
battle cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t change detrimental habits because
you are embracing who you are. It also doesn’t mean that you are promoting
laziness or lack of ambition. What it does mean is that you have taken a look
inside of yourself and seen who the person inside truly is. There are things
that you like about yourself and also things that you don’t, but it all works
together to become the person that you are today.
True change in your life is
an act of love. You can lose weight when you love who you are right now at your
current weight. It means that your life, self-esteem and happiness are not tied
to a number. Anything done out of self-hate doesn’t usually last because you
are always criticizing your efforts. Nothing is ever good enough because you
start off not liking anything about yourself from the beginning. You’d leave
your own body if you could.
There is nothing healthy
about that. Imperfection says that the only way through is with love on board.
Accepting and embracing you by celebrating why you are unique. It is getting
reacquainted with yourself through a few steps that show the value that was
there all along.
5 Ways to Imperfect Freedom
Take some serious time for
introspection – Don’t be afraid to look at yourself honestly. Write down what
is positive and what is negative in your eyes. Find ways to change the wording
of those negatives so they are now positives that you can embrace. If you think
that your ankles are big, find shoes to wear that minimize their appearance as
such.
Discover what you like to do
and don’t like to do – Don’t be afraid to say “no” to events or activities that
don’t foster your interests just because it’s a “cool” or “acceptable” thing to
do.
Try something new – Try bold
colors for clothing or change your hairstyle. There’s nothing wrong with
experimenting with new looks to accentuate your positives and give yourself a
confidence boost.
Laugh more – Laughter
promotes feel-good endorphin release. Take time out to have fun and take a
rest. It is restorative and also promotes health.
Explore your creative side
–Are you a “right-brained” person? Find out if you have any creative
tendencies. Stimulate that side of your brain to bring out attributes you
didn’t know you had.
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